the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
