Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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