I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
