I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
