i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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