happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
