I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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