I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You're like the curious george of whores
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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