Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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