All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
