I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
