I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
