also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was born a porn star she said
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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