I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
