I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
