Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
