I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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