Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dick very happy bro
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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