that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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