His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
