I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you made out with another girl for some wings
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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