my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
