I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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