One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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