Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
