I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
