In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it's not cheating when I paid for it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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