I am puke
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
