i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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