I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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