You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
