shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
two words: eviction party
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
