When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
