I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
