so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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