Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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