That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
