End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How's work?
Spinning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
