Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
