He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
