i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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