There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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