clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
