I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
