I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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