i would punch a child for taco bell
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
