her vagine was all disorganized.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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