I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
