I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
