We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
