I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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