Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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