i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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