There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
