Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
