you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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