And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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